I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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