I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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