My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well I just put wine in my tea
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
