sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
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