When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
