yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
