Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
