I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize