I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
