just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I've blown a few things in my day
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
