I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ladies don't puke and tell
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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