she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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