This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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