He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize