I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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