They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
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I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
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We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize