I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
