Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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