my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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