Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
