well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
