Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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