I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
True strength comes from lack of pants
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
