its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
