just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
