You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
