I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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