She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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