giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
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We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
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I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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