You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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