Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
