I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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