ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize