if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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