Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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