Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
