dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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