when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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