rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
3pm strippers are depressing
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
