He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
