imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
