I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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