perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
