Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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