So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
