Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I stole a fireplace last night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I deserve this hangover.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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