I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
sarcasm needs its own font
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
