You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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