3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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