I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
