tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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