My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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