its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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