i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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