BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
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Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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