I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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