Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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