apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
